Divorce Stress

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Divorce Stress

Going through a divorce can leave you angry, in grief and filled with mixed emotions. In other words, it can be a time of intense stress.

During this period you may feel like your life is falling apart. However, the end of marriage can be the beginning of personal growth - after you get your stress under control.

Here are some stress-relieving tips to help you get through your divorce.

� Write a letter to your ex-spouse. Getting your feelings out of your system is a healthy way to start recovering from anger, resentment and other emotions. But after you're finished writing the letter, don't send it. Rip up the note and throw it away along with your sorrows.

� Seek counseling. Discussing the failed relationship with a professional can help you identify what went wrong and figure out what you need to do to recover and learn from the experience. Also, it can help you share your deepest feelings in a safe, secure environment where you won't be judged.

� Sweat it out. Exercising regularly does more than keep you fit. It also releases endorphins and is a great outlet for anger.

Cooperation may not be a word many people associate with divorce, but if the authors of a new book have their way, it soon will be. Called "The Collaborative Way To Divorce: The Revolutionary Method That Results in Less Stress, Lower Costs, and Happier Kids-Without Going to Court," (Hudson Street Press, $23.95) the book provides what authors Stuart G. Webb and Ronald D. Ousky say is a way for couples to avoid litigation, without giving up what they want.

Their Collaborative process, which is a nationally acclaimed approach, is helping transform the way couples dissolve their marriages, divide assets, reinvent their post-divorce relationships and deal with custody issues.

For instance, the divorce process is traditionally started when one spouse prepares (with the help of an attorney) a summons and petition. That paperwork is then filed with the court and a judge is assigned the case. In Collaborative divorces, both clients and their attorneys meet for a four-way conference to discuss how everyone wants to proceed with the case. All parties sign an agreement which commits them to resolving all issues out of court.

The book guides readers step by step through the Collaborative process and emphasize what the authors say is a key point: Collaborative divorces aren't about going easy on your spouse, they're about ending up with more money, less stress and happier kids.

Now ask yourself, �Do I need a lawyer�

Check out the following circumstances to make sure whether you need to have a lawyer or not.

� You and your spouse have been wed for at least 5 years

� You and your spouse have kids.

� Either you or your spouse is the breadwinner while the other may have difficulty getting on his/her own two feet financially speaking, once the divorce is finalized.

� You or your spouse has come upon inheritance while married to one another.

� Either you or your spouse is in debt.

Where can I get a divorce lawyer

There are a many ways to get a divorce lawyer. Also try asking your marriage counselor or therapist for a referral. Of course you may ask your relatives or friends as well. Other lawyers can recommend those attorneys which specialize in divorce also.

It is also possible if you may even go straight to the courthouse to check out if a particular divorce lawyer strikes your fancy. No matter where you look, may it be in the yellow pages or in directories on-line, you should assess their credentials.

Meeting a lawyer for consultation

After finding a promising lawyer, the next step would be to meet him/her for consultation. If he/she is hard to reach then this may be a sign that you may have a hard time getting in contact with him/her once you hire him/her as your divorce lawyer. Find out how much he/she may charge for consultation. What exactly is his/her specialization? It�s important that he/she specializes in divorce, for you to have the best representation. You wouldn�t want a gynecologist dealing with your heart disease would you? Of course you�d seek the help of a cardiologist and with legal matters it goes the same. Seek the help of a divorce attorney for divorce concerns.

What you ought to know after consultation with a divorce lawyer

The first time you meet with a divorce lawyer may be one of the few times that you are the one who gets to do most of the asking. Make the most of it. Find out everything you need to know in order to make the right choice of attorney. After speaking with a lawyer, make sure you�ve discussed the following matters:

� Length of practice

� Case specialization

� Divorce trial experience

� Experience in negotiation for settlements

� Familiarity with divorce mediators

� Custody dispute experience

� Familiarity with tax issues of divorce

� Familiarity with your particular situation/context

� Projected period of time for your case

� Projected outcome for your case

� Schedule and methods of contacting him/her

� Fee (Including specifics, like if travel time is included)